


let me get (you) to the point

by randomtuna13 (belindarimbi13)



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bad Puns, Conversations, Crack Treated Seriously, Crowley's Plants (Good Omens), Fluff and Crack, M/M, Translation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-22 08:27:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19663564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/belindarimbi13/pseuds/randomtuna13
Summary: Aziraphale."Yes?"You are aware that the language of flowers is not strictly limited to flowers, right?Aziraphale blinked.





	let me get (you) to the point

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [let me get (you) to the point](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19561621) by [randomtuna13 (belindarimbi13)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/belindarimbi13/pseuds/randomtuna13). 



> **disclaimer & note:**
> 
>   * Good Omens is a novel by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gailman, adapted into a TV series by BBC and Amazon Prime and directed by Douglas MacKinnon.
> 
>   * The author does not take any material profit by writing this fanfiction.
> 
> 


_You're not talking to Crowley?_

Aziraphale inhaled deeply. "Indeed, we haven't talked for quite some time."

_That's why you finally remember me?_

"I'm offended that you think I've forgotten you," Aziraphale said defensively. He glared for a while, before he sighed; half resigned, half guilty. "I'm sorry, I just—sometimes I can't remember anything else."

 _I can see, when you're_ busy.

The angel flushed. "N-no, it's not like that!" His eyes caught something, then a reddish tinge on his cheeks became more visible. "For God's sake, you should look away!"

_You know, Crowley's favourite line when he bully me? He said that I was intentionally in his way. I can say the same to you two, now._

"I can't believe we are talking about this now!" Aziraphale palmed his face. He muttered something to himself, clearly condemning their carelessness. For some things, careful is not Aziraphale and Crowley's strong suit.

 _Precisely, because we're talking about it, it'll be easier for you to tell me everything_.

"No, I won't do it!" Aziraphale shook his head firmly, embarrassed. "That's very inappropriate. I will never, ever describe anything to you. Even if you're just—"

_Woah, hold on! What description?_

"... what we have been doing?"

_What? If it's possible, I'd rather cut my ears! I will never want to hear in detail how you devour each other's faces against the bookshelf! Geez._

"Oh," Aziraphale managed to look more flustered when he found out he had assumed too far.

_What I mean is, that I want to hear the full story of why you didn't talk to Crowley._

"I doubt you can understand it."

 _Aziraphale_.

"Um," the angel swallowed hard. "We tried it, last week."

_What were you trying?_

The angel, seemed to be thinking of something more suitable to describe what he was trying to say, until he sighed in defeat. "Sex."

 _Woah, really?_ Aziraphale nodded. _Finally!_

Leaning back on the chair, Aziraphale shook his head while stroking the surface of the book cover piled on his desk. "We haven't done anything."

_What do you mean, you haven't done anything? You're telling me that you're too shy to strip each other? Can't decide who is going to— "_

"For God's sake, shut up." Aziraphale interrupted, in tired tone. "We haven't done anything because Crowley didn't want to force me _to do something I wasn't ready to do_. He grabbed my hand, when I tried to reach his pants."

_And what do you think? Are you not ready?_

Aziraphale's expression changed from sadness, disappointment, then settled in despair. "I don't know. I've been thinking about that for a long time. I want to do it all with Crowley. From simple things like picnics and date-nights at the Ritz, to kissing and sleeping together. I want it, so I must be ready, am I not?"

_Just because you want it doesn't mean you're ready, Aziraphale._

"So you say, I don't know what I want?"

 _Just because you_ know _what you want to do, doesn't mean you are ready to do it. I've been watching how you kiss. It takes time for you to adjust the rhythm. Not long—yes, because it seems like you only need to practice._

"How can I practice if he doesn't want to do it with me?" Aziraphale sighed. Then he rounded his eyes, dramatically. "Maybe Crowley is getting bored with me."

_That's ridiculous._

"Maybe he finally realized that I wasn't so good with this."

 _Aziraphale_.

"Or is it just an experiment? What if all this time—"

SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU FUCKING STUPID ANGEL!

Aziraphale blinked. His mouth was still open, but no sound came out.

"You—"

 _For God's sake, is that what you think of Crowley? You think so low of him? That he just wants to try to go through a whole relationship with you as an additional experience on his demonic resume? You expect him to write,_ "experience : dating a servant of God" _. That's it?_

Aziraphale bit his lips. "That's excessive, I don't—"

_You just accused him for making you his experimental guinea pig, Aziraphale. Just because he refused to have sex with you. You know, I never sided with Crowley, but sorry, this time you are too blinded by your lack of confidence. You are in the wrong, here._

"I'm so sorry," Aziraphale whispered. After that, no one spoke. The silence in this small room felt very uncomfortable. Too quiet. A silence that makes you skittish, as if you were trying to hear the tick-tock of soon-to-explode bombs. Aziraphale scanned around, as if he was determining what object that would be the focus of his attention. Until finally, he just looked straight ahead.

"I can't believe I'm saying all those stupid things. Nothing is true, at all." There was no response, so Aziraphale continued, "Crowley never treated me badly. In fact, since the very first time we met. Six thousand years of friendship, and when we realized that we had feelings for each other, I accused him with such cruelty. Crowley didn't deserve it. Whether he can hear it or not. "

_I heard, and on Crowley's behalf, I was hurt._

Aziraphale let out a hollow chuckle. "Fair enough. After all, you could say you were Crowley's representative here."

_I do not represent anyone._

"Crowley had you before he gave you to me," Aziraphale recalled, as if such an important thing could be forgotten. "Indirectly, you are his representative here."

_Your bookshop is not a parliamentary, Aziraphale._

The angel rose his eyebrow.

_What? I used to watch television too, you know._

"I can see that." Aziraphale smiled.

_You know, Crowley never spent a penny on me. He found me by accident, on the side of the road. My condition was not very good at that time, but he brought me to his flat and took care of me, anyway._

"Crowley did that?" There was pride and admiration laced in Aziraphale's voice.

_Yes. He scolded me every day, told me this and that, forced me to do something I couldn't do. I was impressed he was still keeping me even when I talked back. Apparently, only me that can do this without getting into trouble. I made good use of the opportunity, so I guess Crowley softened. Arguing with me become his exercise._

"I'm sorry, I always refuse to go to his flat. I can save you earlier."

_Your regret is appreciated. Actually, living there is like having a dog, you know. A lot of barking, but he was basically harmless, because he didn't dare to bite. They were just empty threats. I know that, because apparently I've seen him before we met. In the middle of the night, kneeling under a tree, and a few moments later, I saw his handwork. Still growing healthy until now._

"Nice is a four-letter word," Aziraphale quoted, a gentle smile tugging on the corner of his lips. "I always know, that word suits him."

_Have you ever studied the language of flowers, Aziraphale?_

Aziraphale frowned, recalling memories. Then he beamed. "I think yes. I helped a woman's business in 90s. Her flower shop was in a difficult situation, and I was there to practice a little miracle until it could go back to the normal. Mrs. Willy, the very friendly owner of that establishment, taught me a few things. I still remember when I helped picking flowers for someone who was about to propose to his girlfriend, had to choose the right flower to be in the bouquet. "

_Aziraphale._

"Yes?"

_You are aware that the language of flowers is not strictly limited to flowers, right?_

Aziraphale blinked.

_What I want to say is, Crowley didn't give me as a present for you without just any intent._

It only took second for Aziraphale's brain processes the information and it immediately sent impulses to get the angel on motion. He ran to a shelf of botanical books, before finally checking out the different section about symbolization. Aziraphale turned the page with inhuman speed until he shrieked and cursed himself. The angel snatched the coat in rush and hugged his books close to his chest before turning the sign CLOSE and darting out from this place.

Five minutes had not been passed, Aziraphale returned, gasping for breath.

"I owe you one, thank you."

_If I can smile, you will see how smug my smile is. You're welcome, Aziraphale._

♣ ♠ ♣

There were protection sigils that worked against angels and demons in Crowley's flat. No one knew this, other than those who happen to be involved in installing the similar sigils in the Aziraphale bookshop. These sigils would make their residence not visible in the eyes of other supernatural beings (and humans, if needed), unless you were in the exception list.

Aziraphale was tired of pressing the bell and banging on the door fruitlessly, so he let himself in. Only to realize that this flat felt like it wasn't inhabited. The cold atmosphere made it seem pretty unoccupied.

Crowley was also nowhere to be seen.

For a moment, Aziraphale was sure the demon was really leaving him for real, until he remembered the books he was holding right now.

And of course. He should have thought of asking those who had been in this house, since ... well, since forever.

 _Master Crowley has not left the room since a week ago,_ is the answer he got.

Aziraphale paled. He rushed to the room at the end of the corridor. The door was closed but not locked.

"Crowley?" Aziraphale stepped in cautiously and his gaze fell on the suspicious mound on the bed.

There was no man there. There was a black, red-belly snake curled comfortably in the heap of blanket, not moving.

"Crowley?"

The snake's muzzle fluttered as if to smell something, then he opened its eyes and a moment later, Crowley curled up in his bed wearing a thin black shirt and shorts. His eyes widened when he realized what has woken him up.

"Aziraphale."

The angel waved awkwardly. "Hi, Crowley."

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh, um," Aziraphale showed the two books he carried, each front cover reads: _Encyclopedia of Plants_ and _Art of Poetry with Flowers (and the like)._ "Tia told me about your gift."

"Gift?"

"Tia herself."

Crowley cleared his throat. "So, you know it now."

"My dear," he began as he put the books on the lamp table, then sitting on the bed and grabbing Crowley's hands. "I'm sorry for not knowing all this time."

"It's just a cactus," Crowley muttered, avoiding eye contact even though he tightened their entwined hands.

"The cactus you gave me is a gift because you understand what it means in the language of flowers," Aziraphale happily corrected. "As I quoted from Haworthia Attenuata's book, _giving a cactus to someone has four meanings: as a symbol of strength, caring, compassion, and attraction._ "

"That little bastard Tia was the one that talked me into this shit," Crowley protested, trying rather to look like jerk instead of being a hopeless romantic.

Aziraphale just shook his head understandingly, before leaning over to kiss the demon's cheek. "Thank you, my dear ."

Crowley used one hand to hold Aziraphale's face, and he angled their head, so they could kiss properly, on the lips.

The kiss was chastely sweet.

Crowley sighed. "I'm sorry, for—you know, these past days."

"I agree that we should be able to deal with it better."

"Angel, you have to understand that I really want it but I don't want you to feel pr—"

Shut Crowley up with a kiss was the most effective way to get him to stop talking. Tia often joked that the method was too effective, because if Crowley's reaction is any indication, she suspected that his brain was short-circuited when Aziraphale kissed him.

"Crowley my dear, I understand. We can continue this conversation after we have dinner. What do you think?"

Crowley grinned. "Can I tempt you to dine at the Ritz?"

"Temptation is very much accomplished." Aziraphale said as he getting up to offer his hand. "Shall we?

♣ ♠ ♣

  


_I should have known this would happen. Oh, you poor thing, Tia._

Crowley gasps in surprise. Aziraphale stops moving abruptly. Their faces are still red of exertion. Their swollen lips are no better. Don't start with their hair and the state of their clothes.

"You didn't get rid of it, Aziraphale!" Crowley exclaims accusingly.

"I forgot! _She_ said, she wanted to enjoy the sunlight, so I put her there," the angel deflects.

Tia says something again and this time, it provokes a more concrete reaction from the two supernatural entities. Crowley rushes forward, while Aziraphale was frozen in place before finally grabbing his lover's arms.

"Damn, I'll destroy it."

"Dear, I do not condone to any form of violence under this rooftop—"

She doesn't move an inch, but Crowley's yellowish eyes flash dangerously.

"She is stubborn and rude, she deserves it."

"You just described us, Crowley," Aziraphale chuckled, amused.

"Stubborn, yes. But, you've never been rude, angel."

"I can be like that too, especially at certain situations," a teasing smile blooms on Aziraphale's lips, his eyebrows do a suggestive wiggle. "You know very well about that."

It takes a few seconds for the demon to catch the double entendre. He gapes scandalised, "Aziraphale, where did you learn that!"

The angel laughs in joy. Tia drops her opinion again.

Aziraphale detains Crowley effectively by hugging his body so that the demon had no chance to approach the cactus. "Crowley, I agree that her choice of words are rather inappropriate and there are several inaccuracies about the whipping—"

"THAT'S NOT WHAT SHE MEANS."

Aziraphale frowns in confusion. But then he proceeds to drag Crowley away from Tia —a pot of cactus that appears to be so innocent from human perspective, but actually being a little bitch, by annoying and teasing both the angel and the demon.

"We shall take this to the bedroom, my dear. Tia is right, I don't want to get arrested for committing indecent acts in a public place."

"For Go—for Sat—for anyone's sake! Your _closed_ bookshop is not a public place! Fucking cact—"

Tia will only roll her eyes if she has them.

• **fin •**

**Author's Note:**

> > [Haworthia Attenuata](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haworthiopsis_attenuata) is actually a real name of a plant and the book, _Art of Poetry with Flowers (and the like)_ which was quoted by Aziraphale in the chapter **Cactus and Succulent** , is based from [this article](https://succulentcity.com/what-does-it-mean-if-someone-gives-you-a-cactus/).
>> 
>> Tia's name is taken from the cactus Latin name, [_Opuntia microdasys_](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opuntia_microdasys). This cactus is also known as angel's wings, bunny cactus ears, bunny cactus, or polkadot cactus. It's worth to mention that [the name Tia](https://www.sheknows.com/baby-names/name/tia/) means Goddess, in Greek.
>> 
>> Tia's visualization is taken from [here](https://spinytreasures.tumblr.com/post/119859259750/opuntia-microdasys-the-bunny-ears-cactus-from).
>> 
>> Headcanon about Crowley and his plants, inspired by [this beautiful fanart](https://tio-trile.tumblr.com/post/185416903144/so-i-was-making-a-point-to-a-friend-about-how).
> 
> the original note is in the draft: hmmm whom zira would chat with? cat? 🐈 hamsters? 🐹 oooooo (crowley's) plant!!! 🌵
> 
> I can be so dumb sometimes. but this is fun to write so I guess that's a win-win situation.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading! I hope you're enjoying the story ♥


End file.
